Insights from a Personal Ketamine Therapy Journey

Last weekend, I had my first ketamine-assisted therapy (KAP) session this year. It’s been quite a while since I’ve had a ketamine journey and I was having difficulty accessing parts of me that needed some attention. As anticipated, the experience revealed exactly what I needed and reconnected me deeply with my Self.

Upon arriving at the office, I immediately felt embraced and nurtured. Soft lighting, a gentle citrus aroma from the diffuser, and soothing background music set a comforting atmosphere. Wrapped in a cozy blanket on a plush couch, I engaged in coloring while the therapist reviewed necessary consents. Although we’d already spent time preparing, reviewing the consent in detail, we always revisit the finer points. 

Central to this work is the practice of tuning into and honoring oneself at every step. The therapist reiterated my ability to withdraw consent and halt the session if I felt uncomfortable—a principle I also adhere to in my own client work. For individuals with trauma, reconnecting with their body and intuition can be challenging. Ketamine therapy serves as a tool to reintegrate into one's inner world, starting well before taking the medicine.

Despite my familiarity with ketamine therapy as both participant and practitioner, the therapist explained the process thoroughly. Touch preferences vary widely among individuals. In ketamine therapy, there are two types of touch: safety touch, which involves necessary assistance due to ketamine's effects on motor skills and perception, and therapeutic touch, which clients may consent to for comfort or grounding e.g. holding of a hand. The therapist assured me of touch only upon request, and we clarified my preferences for ending touch. This is another facet of ketamine therapy that feels both supportive and empowering. 

After revisiting my intentions for the session, I introduced the object I brought for focus: a photo of myself at age 10 making a goofy face, to reconnect with this lighthearted and playful part of myself. Draped in a weighted blanket, propped on pillows, and with the first dose under my tongue, I settled onto the mattress. Despite my experience with psychedelics, there’s always a nervous excitement; each journey unfolds uniquely. I reassured myself to relax into whatever the medicine revealed, knowing even discomfort can yield profound insights.

In tandem with the dissolution of the lozenge, I felt my exhausted defenses begin to dissolve. A pleasantly warm and tingly sensation spread across my body, and the ever-present chatter of my mind began to quiet. Each ketamine journey has been different, and the theme of this encounter was reconnecting with self-love.

Unlike IV ketamine, in-session lozenge administration allows for a slower, more relaxed process. Although I was altered, I remained very aware of my surroundings and occasionally had to refocus my thoughts to truly tune into what the medicine had to reveal. The experience was autobiographical. I felt a loving tether to my Self and reflected upon various adventures I’ve had. I kept thinking, “We’ve been through a lot,” which I took to represent the interconnectedness between my ego and my true Self.

I was reminded of a quote by Ram Dass, “You don't need loneliness, for you couldn't possibly be alone.” We always have ourselves, for better or worse. My work has largely been about developing self-compassion and no longer neglecting those parts of myself that are challenging to confront, let alone sit with.

About 45 minutes later, when the effects of the medicine had sufficiently dissipated, I reflected on my journey with the therapist. We explored the themes and interpreted what had emerged, further solidifying the effects of the session. Over the next couple of days, I felt lighter and was better able to access my Self, extending warmth and grace when I made mistakes. This session was a powerful reminder that, although ketamine is an invaluable tool, all the answers we need are always within us. Sometimes we just need some help remembering where to look.